Chapter 34
RULES OF THE GAME
AS A HIGH SCHOOL LAD, I DISCOVERED CERTAIN THINGS are destined
to always remain shrouded in mystery for some people. For me,
these involved the principles of plane geometry and the laws
of physics. I vaguely recall that certain laws of physics are
"immutable." After years of roaming around with assorted
rods, guns, dogs and companions, I've realized there also are
immutable rules governing fishing and hunting endeavors. My family
is known for some hard-headed genes, so believe me when I say
these rules have been learned from painful repetition, not derived
from theory or hearsay. The more important of these are being
passed along to help those who follow find more ecstasy and less
agony.
RULE: The degree to which the weather forecast is wrong will
be in direct proportion to the importance to you of it being
correct.
RULE: When you have to strip to the buff to retrieve a downed
bird from the other side of a deep stream, rest assured that:
1) It will be November and it will be very cold; 2) The bird
will have fallen in a tangle of briers; 3) Your dog will race
to and fro on the bank, barking at you as you brave the stream;
4) Your companions, who've apparently been out of hailing distance
all morning while their dogs were finding birds, will inexplicably
arrive to kibitz and enjoy the show.
RULE: There is no logic to explain why the Almighty chooses certain
people upon whom to bestow his blessings while ignoring those
of us who are more deserving. Should, in your travels, you encounter
one of these favored reprobates, accept the situation. It never
will change. Dame Fortune will always ride on their shoulder.
But, make sure you stay very close to them at critical times,
like when you're lost or stuck. I've been with such a man several
times -when he's buried his vehicle axle-deep along a remote
two-track. He nonchalantly gets out, surveys the situation and
observes, "Well, we need a 4x4 with a winch to come along."
Every time, one has materialized from the forest within five
minutes!
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Thanks to Bonasa Press we offer you an excerpt from
Bird Crazy by Robert Osborn
Copyrights: Bonasa Press 2005
RULE: If you're fishing or hunting a new area, scout around
until you encounter a kid walking down a dusty road or roaming
through the woods. Ask him where the birds and fish are. Adults
will lie to you, a kid always will tell you true.
RULE: When, for whatever reasons, it's really important for you
to show someone goodly numbers of birds and classy dog work,
you will find no birds in your prime hotspots and your dog will
provide a credible imitation of a spoiled, out-of-control, child.
The corollary to this rule is: Go back tomorrow, same place,
same conditions, same dog, but alone, and you'll have more shooting
than you can handle.
RULE: "Newcomer," upon bagging one or two of the many
birds that only flush near him, will say, "This isn't so
hard! Say, what's the limit, anyway?" He will dismiss you
as "superstitious old men" when you hoot that he's
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