Skip a Day A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" The doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping." This dog is acting bad While waiting for a bus, the blind man's dog decided to go to the bathroom all over the blind man's legs. A passerby commented to the blind man, "What! That dog just went to the bathroom all over your legs, and you are petting him?! Are you crazy?" To which the blind man replied, "Madam, I am not petting him, I am feeling for his bottom, so I can kick him."

Wrong Turn in the Dark 70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?" George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (poof!) the light goes on when I pee, and then (poof!) the light goes off when I'm done." "Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "that's incredible!" A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he said, "George is just fine. Physically he's great. But I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and (poof!) the light goes on in the bathroom, and then (poof!) the light goes off?" Thelma exclaimed, "That old fool! He's peeing in the refrigerator again!"

What a difference 30 years make 1974: Long hair 2004: Longing for hair 1974: KEG 2004: EKG 1974: Acid rock 2004: Acid reflux 1974: Moving to California because it's cool 2004: Moving to California because it's warm 1974: Growing pot 2004: Growing pot belly 1974: Popping pills, smoking joints 2004: Popping joints 1974: Seeds and stems 2004: Roughage 1974: Killer weed 2004: Weed killer 1974: Hoping for a BMW 2004: Hoping for a BM 1974: The Grateful Dead 2004: Dr. Kevorkian 1974: Going to a new, hip joint 2004: Receiving a new hip joint 1974: Rolling Stones 2004: Kidney stones 1974: Screw the system 2004: Upgrade the system 1974: Disco 2004: Costco 1974: Peace sign 2004: Mercedes logo 1974: Parents begging you to get your hair cut 2004: Children begging you to get their heads shaved 1974: Taking acid 2004: Taking antacid 1974: Passing the drivers test 2004: Passing the vision test 1974: Whatever 2004: Depends That's it til next issue! Next issue is the Aug/Sept... time to start thinking about bird season!