Bird Dog & Retriever News

February/ March 2011 issue page 108

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Feb/March 2011 Now in our nineenth year 

The Last Laugh

 You Might be a Redneck if...

Your mailbox is made out of old auto parts.

You can't take a nap without at least one hand tucked inside your pants.

Your stove is on the porch and your lawn chairs are in the kitchen.

You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.

Your dead hunting dog has a bigger headstone than your mother.

You've ever worn a cowboy hat to church.

You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.


Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people."

You offer to give somebody the shirt off your back, and they don't want it.

You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.

Your truck can pass over a 55-gallon drum without touching it.

After the divorce you still call your Ex "Cuz".

Your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

You drive down the highway with dogs in the back of your pickup.

When a dog passes gas, you claim it.

 You think a 401k is your mother-in-law's bra size.

You missed fifth grade graduation because you had jury duty.

You comb the hair that sticks out of your nostrils.


Welcome to America

An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir wasn't used to the salt in American food (French fries, cheese, etc.) and was constantly sending his man-servant, Abdul, to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water. But finally he returned empty-handed.

"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water??" demanded the Grand Emir.

"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul, "But a man is sitting on the well."


That's it for a now, we'll talk again in a few weeks

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Copyrights Bird Dog & Retriever News March 2011
Do not reproduce or retransmit in any form, and we surf the web, we'll find you.
Maintained by Dennis Guldan e-mail
Bird Dog & Retriever News, 563 17th Ave NW, New Brighton, MN 55112,
Phone 612-868-9169 Adv deadline 1st of the month prior to the issue.