You Might be a Redneck if...
Your mailbox is made out of old auto parts.
You can't take a nap without at least one
hand tucked inside your pants.
Your stove is on the porch and your lawn chairs
are in the kitchen.
You've ever been involved in a custody fight
over a hunting dog.
You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture
Your dead hunting dog has a bigger headstone
than your mother.
You've ever worn a cowboy hat to church.
You have refused to watch the Academy Awards
since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best
Jack Daniels makes your list of "most
You offer to give somebody the shirt off your
back, and they don't want it.
You have lost at least one tooth opening a
Your truck can pass over a 55-gallon drum
without touching it.
After the divorce you still call your Ex "Cuz".
Your anniversary present was getting the septic
You can tell your age by the number of rings
in the bathtub.
You drive down the highway with dogs in the
back of your pickup.
When a dog passes gas, you claim it.
You think a 401k is your mother-in-law's
You missed fifth grade graduation because
you had jury duty.
You comb the hair that sticks out of your
Welcome to America
An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first
time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand
Emir wasn't used to the salt in American food (French fries,
cheese, etc.) and was constantly sending his man-servant, Abdul,
to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper
off and return with a glass of water. But finally he returned
"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where
is my water??" demanded the Grand Emir.
"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One,"
stammered the wretched Abdul, "But a man is sitting on the
That's it for a now, we'll talk again in a