Now that I'm 'older' (but refuse to grow
up), here's what I've discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
5. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
6. All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
7. If all is not lost, where is it?
8. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
9. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
10. Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
11. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...
12. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
13. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
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14. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
15. It's hard to make a come back when you haven't been anywhere.
16. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when
you're in the bathroom.
17. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them
on my knees.
18. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone
decide to
play chess?
19. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
20. It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.
21. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
22. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...
I go
somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.
23. I AM UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE MAILED THIS TO YOU OR NOT!
24. Funny, I don't remember being . . . . . absent minded...
If it's stupid and works, then it ain't stupid
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Some things shouldn't be invented
This just in --
A scientist from Kansas State University has invented a bra that
keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples
from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.
At a news conference announcing the invention, the scientist
was taken outside by two guys named Dave and Joe; and had the
crap kicked out of him.
Senility Prayer
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked
anyway, the
good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell
the difference.
No Dogs Allowed
A guy wanted to take his Chihuahua into a restaurant with him,
so he put on dark glasses and "tapped" his way into
the establishment.
The waiter said "Hey!, you can't bring a dog in here."
The man indignantly claimed "I'm blind! ... this is my Seeing
Eye dog!"
"You're trying to tell me" said the waiter, "that
this Chihuahua is a Seeing Eye dog?"
"What???!!", cried the man, "they gave me a Chihuahua?"
That's it til next issue!
Next issue is the Feb/March... time to start thinking about spring
pups!
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