April / May 2023 issue page 16
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I was at the dentist the other day and he says to me “this might sting a little bit, are you prepared?”
I said “yes”.
He then went on to say “I am sleeping with your wife.”
I saw a man smoking in church on Sunday.
I was so shocked that I nearly dropped my bottle of gin.
I distinctly remember my mother telling me, “I do not have a favourite child.”
I found this extremely hard to take as a kid, mainly because I was an only child.
Mum: “Darling, what is your Christmas wish this year?”
Daughter: “I would like to help people in need, I wish that Father Christmas would send some clothes to the all of the naked girls in dad’s computer.”
A man walks into his psychiatrists appointment wearing nothing but cling film.
The psychiatrist takes one look at him and says “well I can clearly see your nuts.”
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
“How the hell do you breath and drink out of that small thing?”
Why is Mrs Claus unsatisfied with Santa?
He only comes once a year.
An old married couple are in church service on sunday. The elderly lady leans over to her husband and whispers “I just let go a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”
The husband looks back at her and says “change the battery on your hearing aid”.
What is the best thing to do if your partner starts smoking in bed?
Slow down, you are moving too fast.
Buy a man a plane ticket and he will fly for hours, push a man out of a plane while it is in the sky and he will fly for the rest of his life.
The lady janitor in my office building asked if I would hang out with her and smoke a joint.
I told her “no, I can’t deal with high maintenance women.”
By making marijuana and same sex marriage legal, we can finally make sense of what the bible is saying.
A man who lays with another man should be stoned.
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were in their obstetrician’s waiting room discussing their pregnancies.
The brunette said she was certain she was going to have a boy, because she was on top when she got pregnant!
The red head said she was certain she was going to have a girl because she was in the missionary position when she got pregnant!
All of a sudden the blonde burst into tears. Between sobs the brunette & red head finally got her to tell them why she became so upset. She told them she believes she’s going to have puppies!!!!!
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