Army of the Lord A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The pastor said, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend said, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service." _______________________ What would Abe do? A father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was President." _______________ Dog vs Cat A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God! __________________

Photo to live by The husband says to his wife, "You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?" She says, "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears." He smirks and replies, "You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?" She calmly replies, "Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem can there be greater than this one?'" _______________ Never to old One day at the rest home, an old man and woman are talking. Out of nowhere the woman says, "I can guess your age." The man doesn't believe her, but tells her to go ahead and try. "Pull down your pants, " she says. He doesn't understand but does it anyway. She inspects his rear end for a few minutes and then says, "You're 84 years old." "That's amazing, " the man says. "How did you know?" "You told me yesterday."

Story for the cop A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. "They'll never catch me," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him. "What in hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before you can go!" he said. "Last week my wife ran off with a cop, " the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!" "Have a nice night, " said the officer. ________________ God is so wise "God, " said Adam, "Why did you make Eve so beautiful?" "So you would love her." "But why did you make her so dumb?" "So she would love you." That's it til next issue! Next issue is the June/July... time to start thinking about vacation trainers!