Bird Dog & Retriever News

April / May 2003 issue Page 38

 Lab-generated sleep ions: An unlikely explanation for a commonly observed phenomena.
By William Hovey Smith

leeping Lab. Or so my wife Thresa and I have discovered. We think that one reason dogs contribute to their owners' longevities is that dog owners sleep better, and well-rested bodies function better than those that are sleep deprived.
Since both of us have scientific backgrounds, we decided to investigate this phenomena, and have developed a highly implausible experimental hypothesis that appears to explain the sleep-inducing effects of our Labs. We suspect that Labs produce "sleep ions" which appear to obey well-known natural laws concerning the generation and dispersion of particles.
A. The greater the number of sleeping Labs, the larger the number of sleep ions produced, and the more difficult it is to stay awake. If you are in the same room with a mother Lab with a dozen sleeping pups, it is very difficult to escape a nearly overwhelming desire to sleep. The mother dog seems to be able to communicate this need to her pups. The entire family that was seconds ago a tumbling mass of puppies goes to sleep together as if on command. If their human owners are sitting nearby, they will too.
B. Older, and larger, Labs produce a greater number of sleep ions per unit of time. Old mother Labs are particularly effective sleep ion generators. If there is anyone who has a sleep problem, they should give a good home to an ageing female Lab who is content to sleep 18-hours a day. These are mellow dogs that make minimum demands on their owners and only require food, love and moderate daily exercise.
C. Sleep ions accumulate on bedding materials and have a residual effect that may last for half-an-hour. If a Lab sleeps on a couch and a person sits on the couch within a half-hour the residual effects of

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